We Feed With Love

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I'm putting myself out there with this picture of me feeding my third-born shortly after his birth.

I experienced difficulty breastfeeding my twins, with frustration of not producing enough for both, difficulty and pain getting one of them to latch properly, and lack of time and help with completing other tasks. I was breastfeeding one, bottle feeding the other, and pumping between feedings in an attempt to increase my supply. But after four weeks, my mother and mother-in-law had to leave and I gave up ... buried in frustration and household chores. I made it five weeks with them until I gave into formula and a better life for my family. I knew it was the right decision for us, but couldn't help feel guilty when I would see a mother of 9-month-old twins breastfeeding with the ease of chewing gum. My twins are healthy kids, rarely sick, and intelligent. I had many opportunities to snuggle them and find intimacy and closeness. I don't regret what I had to do--nor should anyone else who chooses formula.

With my third, it was much easier. I produced enough--even for the little piggy that he was. I enjoyed the intimacy with him. And, I had peace of mind that I was doing the best thing for him that I possibly could. I was also very fortunate to never feel judged for breastfeeding in public. It's quite possible I just never paid attention to it. Or, maybe it's possible people are beginning to accept this act as exactly what it is ... nourishing a child ... period.

There are many reasons why a mother would choose formula over breastfeeding, or have no choice in the matter at all. No matter what mothers choose for themselves and their babies, I think all mothers would agree that everyone should support a breastfeeding mother just as breastfeeding mothers should support a formula-feeding mother. Happy World Feeding Week ... breast milk or formula, we feed with love.

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Don’t Let the Bed Bugs Bite

I will never claim to be an expert in child rearing. However, every once in a while I like to share advice on things that have worked for me, or—more often than not—things that have NOT worked for me. No better way to learn sometimes than from mistakes.

In this case, it is something that has worked for me. This topic is on sleep habits; specifically, getting a baby/toddler to go to sleep. Today, I broke one of my own rules, mainly because I saw a selfish opportunity to hold onto a baby moment while I still can. And, after 18 months, I feel comfortable that this one day will not ruin all my work leading up to this moment.

While none of my three kids really slept through the night until they were one (meaning, 10-12 hours straight), I have always had tremendous luck in getting them to go to sleep. I attribute that to two practices. One, I do my best to maintain a consistent schedule every single day, which includes a nap time and bed time that will get my child into his bed before he is too tired (this is a real thing!). And, two, the routine leading up to sleep time is the same every day.

 

Nap time is always the same and bed time is always the same every day. Over time, you learn how much sleep your baby requires in a 24-hour period. You also learn at what time they really get sleepy. Once you learn this, make sleep time about 30 minutes before that. Putting your baby in his crib before he is asleep or before he gets too tired is a great habit to start at an early age.

This leads me to my rule breaking today. We had an active morning with music class, followed by Kid Zone play at the gym while I exercised. Baby was tired, so by the time I got to singing and rocking him, his eyelashes all of a sudden seemed to weigh 10 pounds. I just sat there and kept humming until he was asleep. (Sigh. My heart melts.) All parents love this moment, but IMHO, it’s a tough habit to break, making it that much harder for your child to ever fall asleep on his own or in the care of someone else. And, the earlier you start teaching your child to fall asleep on his own, the easier it is on everyone.

After baby is used to this, naptime and bedtime will result in very little fussing or crying—this assuming your baby is healthy and that infants with colic have grown out of that. You will hear this from many different people, and I believe in it 100 percent … “Kids not only need a routine, they want a routine.” This applies to rules, too. This reminds me, I’ll have to share our rules in a future blog.

Of course there are days when the baby might be forced to sleep in a stroller or in the car, or we may get home late from being at a friend or relatives house. He has two older siblings, making it impossible to be home for nap time every single day. But, because he is well-rested from consistencies on most other days, I find it is easier to get him to sleep if he isn’t in his own bed. Then, if it is a short nap, it’s just one day, so it doesn’t disrupt his life too much.

Also, having a few things you do leading up to naptime will make it easier if you are in a situation where your little one can’t sleep in his own bed. Even if you are able to do one or two of those things, it can send the message that it’s time to go to bed. It doesn’t have to be much. At naptime, I give him milk, change his diaper, and sing him a song while I rock him for a couple minutes. Then, I lay him down with his pacifier and lovie bear. At night, he gets a bath, milk, teeth brushing, massage with lotion, clean jammies, a song, a pacifier, and his lovie bear. If I can carry out a few of these before bed in a strange place, he recognizes it’s part of bed time.

Another trick that has worked is teaching sign language for “sleep.” You can have the strictest schedule, but some days, your little one might feel tired prior to his scheduled nap time. If I know my little guy is well-fed, well-hydrated, and getting the attention he wants, but still acts fussy, I will ask him if he wants to go night-night and do the sign for sleep. If that’s it, he will do the sign back and run to the steps waiting for me to take him up. He won’t always sleep, but sometimes I think he just needs a little alone time. I know how he feels! His siblings are a lot to take at times. (BTW, I started teaching sign language to my children right away, but their use of signs to communicate with me didn’t start until about 9 months to a year. My point is, don’t worry if you’ve been signing with your baby for 6 months and nothing is happening. One day it will just click and be so rewarding for both of you.)

One more bit of advice in getting your child to sleep, especially when they know what bugs are. Do NOT use the phrase, “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bit.” I repeat, do NOT use that phrase, unless you want to change sheets, vacuum the floor around his bed, and sleep with him that night. See, now you can learn from one of my mistakes! Sweet dreams!

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I Have a 16-Month-Old

I have a 16-month-old. This is my excuse for being MIA in Blog World. For those of you who have children older than this, you know what I’m talking about. But, if you forgot—like I did with my 4-year-olds—let me just remind you.

Those of you pregnant, with newborns, or with infants, I’m here to warn you that there are many barriers to your baby’s good behavior and your sanity between 12-18 months. From what I hear from other parents, it can even reach to age 2. Here are some barriers I have been battling, or at least trying to cope with, in the past 6 weeks. If I’ve missed some, it’s because I am sleep deprived, so feel free to offer up some more.

Teething. Everyone dreads when their baby starts getting there first few teeth. And, that can be bad, but I’ve found it worse when they start to get beyond the front four. My baby would probably be considered an average to late teether. At 16 months, he has three front bottom teeth and two bottom molars. On top, he has his four front teeth. It seems now that the rest of the teeth are trying to catch up. His two top molars are coming in now and all the teeth in-between are not far behind. He is up for 1-3 hours at a time during the night, and has been for the last month.

I’ve tried the natural teething tabs, acetaminophen and ibuprofen, gum numbing gel, all sorts of teethers, and have now resorted to the amber teething necklace. So far, my best bet for getting back to sleep the fastest is to give him acetaminophen at his first cry, as well as put on the gum numbing gel. This usually puts him back to sleep after about 30-45 minutes and keeps him down the rest of the night. Some people worry about giving acetaminophen and using the gum gels, but my theory is moderation. I use these products once/day, and this will hopefully end soon.

Clingy. If he is awake, he is hanging on my leg and crying, “Mama … mama … mama … mama … mama …” You get the idea. If he is on my lap or we are playing or reading, he is the happiest kid in the world. “Teeth? What teeth? I have my Mommy.” I love these moments of snuggling and being close, but let’s face it, there are things I need to do to keep this house running. I swear he knows when I’m even thinking about getting up and leaving the room. Immediate tears and screaming as if someone started pulling off his fingernails. He even breaks down when I drop him off with his Nana, whom he adores and sees at least a couple times a week.

Eating. He is spitting most of his food out, especially after one of the 4-year-olds did it with his food once. “That’s a fun little trick,” he thought. And, proceeded to do it over and over, long after there was no food left in his mouth. After several “no’s” from his father and I, I started tapping his mouth. He would swing his hand back at me, then do it again. After this repeated itself a few times, he started tapping his own mouth. That’s when it was clear he understood, but at this age defiance trumps compliance. I’ve gone back to pureed food, and that is working for now.

Language. Some kids by this age have some vocabulary—sometimes enough to actually communicate needs and wants. Mine has the following: Mama, Dada, Papa, guh guh (snuggle, and with that he will bring a blanket—super cute), Buh Buh (Weber, his brother), and Cah Cah (Capri, his sister). That’s it. He has some sign language: more, please, sorry, sleep, milk, and pointing. Yes, pointing. His pointing is not very accurate, so I’m usually about 5-6 feet off, but we figure it out eventually. So, he can kind of tell us what he wants most of the time. Unfortunately, most of the time all he wants is “Mama … mama … mama … mama.”

Also, he doesn’t understand much of what I say, especially when I am telling him why he can’t have any more strawberries. He just doesn’t get, “Sweetie, you have red patches all over your face and I’m afraid you are going to acid burn your butthole if you eat any more.”

Defiance. He tests me at every turn. If he's not supposed to do something, he will do it to the max. It's a battle of wills and that's all I'm going to say about that. You know what I mean.

What this has meant to me and this family is less sleep, more takeout, less writing and reading, and becoming more immune to the sound of crying and whining. At this age, when they are challenging, it can wear on you pretty hard. And, unfortunately, they are challenging much of the time. But, when they are happy, it is quite possibly the cutest age of their lives. I’m convinced God planned it that way.

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Using Fertility is Cool

It seems as though there is a misperception by some that people are using fertility measures as the “easy” way to get pregnant. Here's just how "cool" it is ...

NOT a Compliment